


Second of all

by Milkfrog



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Kinda angst i guess but not really?, Trans Character, Trans Iwaizumi Hajime, Trans Male Character, Trans Matsukawa Issei, i love him sm, iwaizumi is v happy at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:53:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25182826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milkfrog/pseuds/Milkfrog
Summary: Sometimes life is cruel in such subtle ways that aren't noticeable until it feels as if it's too late to fix things.For Hajime Iwaizumi, "things" means not understanding how he felt for years. There's always been that uncomfortable feeling in the back of his head whenever someone called him a girl or used "female" pronouns but he had just blamed it on simply not wanting to be "Girly". There have been so many hours , possibly adding up to days , spent staring in his bedroom mirror and hating on almost every part of himself without ever really knowing why. It wasn't until he got to high school and met someone else like him that it finally clicked.(AKA Iwaizumi is trans and doesn't realize until he meets Matsukawa who is ALSO trans)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 65





	Second of all

**Author's Note:**

> Gonna try doing as many trans Haikyuu character fics as I can BC its what the Gods put me on Earth to do!!! 
> 
> ALSO this is not edited and I wrote it in like an hour tops so pls excuse any mistakes or incoherence

Sometimes life is cruel in such subtle ways that aren't noticeable until it feels as if it's too late to fix things. 

For Hajime Iwaizumi, "things" means not understanding how he felt for years. There's always been that uncomfortable feeling in the back of his head whenever someone called him a girl or used "female" pronouns, but he had just blamed it on simply not wanting to be "Girly". There have been so many hours _,_ possibly adding up to _days_ , spent staring in his bedroom mirror and hating on almost every part of himself without ever really knowing why. It wasn't until he got to high school and met someone else like him that it finally clicked. 

Nothing special happened the first time Hajime had met Issei Matsukawa. Their first day of classes for their first year of high school were so hectic that no one actually had a chance to talk about themselves. Not to mention, it wasn't exactly something Issei casually brought up to strangers. But when they had met again the next day, the interaction left Hajime confused yet _thrilled_ at the possibility that he wasn't as wrong as he thought. 

Hajime had been sitting with Tooru at lunch, who had dragged along his new friend, Takahiro, who in turn had dragged _his_ best friend, Issei. Everything was fine and normal until Issei suddenly groaned and stretched his arms high above his head. It was the third time since sitting down that he had done it, and Hajime felt like the only one who noticed. Since no one else seemed curious, Hajime finished swallowing his food and turned to Issei fully. 

"Are you okay?" Issei just raises an eyebrow in confusion at the question and slowly nods. "Ah, you've just, done that a few times. Wasn't sure if you were in pain or something."

"Oh!" Issei sits up straighter and Takahiro leans forward to glare at Hajime; for what, he doesn't know. "I got a new binder and it's a different style than I'm use to. I think it might be a bit tight, too, actually." 

Takahiro turns his glare to Issei and hits his arm. "What the fuck, go take it off." 

"Take… What off?" Hajime asks and everyone looks at him again. Issei looks pleasantly surprised at Hajime's ignorance while the other two look at him as if telling him to shut up with their eyes. 

"Why," Issei throws his arms out dramatically and shimmies his chest a bit, "I didn't get _these_ tits flat with _magic,_ of course."

"Jesus, Issei. Just go take it off. There's a spar sports bra in my locker for you." Takahiro rolls his eyes but seems far less annoyed now that Issei seems okay with the conversation. 

Issei coos at his friend for being so thoughtful and gets up to presumably go change. 

Hajime is no less confused than before. "I still don't get it… Is he hurt?" 

"I thought Tooru was the dumb one." Takahiro scoffs and dodges Tooru's attempt to hit him easily. "He's wearing a chest binder. Y'know, to flatten his chest?" 

"Oh," Hajime nods as if he understands but he's _still_ confused. Roughly ten minutes pass before Issei gets back to the table, chest less flat then before. Which, of course, also doesn't help Hajime's confusion. He tries his best to ignore it the rest of lunch, wanting to avoid being rude. 

As they're leaving the cafeteria, though, Issei walks alongside him and leans in close. "Did you really not know?" He asks, still sounding happy about Hajime's current stupidity.

"Know _what?_ Takahiro said it's to flatten your chest but I don't-"

"I'm Trans." Issei says with a shrug. Hajime just scrunches his nose up, and before he can ask what the hell _that_ is, Issei laughs. "I'm a boy. But, and for the record I _hate_ this way of explaining it but I don't know how else to do it, I wasn't _born_ a boy. Which is why I wear a binder to make my chest flat so people will see me as one." 

Hajime's eyes go wide and he stops walking. He doesn't know exactly what he's feeling but all he can think is, "you can _do that?_ "

Issei stops a few feet ahead of him and turns to look back. He's silent for a moment as he takes in Hajime's star-y eyed look before letting a sly smile cross his face. 

"Are you a girl?" 

Hajime's eyes lose their shine and he averts his gaze. "Yes? Of course I am, I… I'm…?"

Issei walks back over to him so he can talk quieter. "You don't sound sure of that." Hajime flounders for a second, unsure of how to reply. "Do you _want_ to be a girl?" 

Hajime starts to shake his head no on impulse. He's never thought about it before. Has never been asked. Now that he _is_ thinking about it, though, it doesn't feel right. Being a girl, that is.

"Tell you what," Issei digs around in his bag before pulling out a cropped tank top and holding it out to him. "Why don't we skip class and you can try this on in the bathroom. You're a bit smaller than me so it shouldn't be too tight on you." 

Hajime doesn't believe that, as it _does_ seem too small to fit his torso, but he nods and lets Issei pull him to an empty bathroom. He doesn't get a chance to question why he's being brought into the boy's bathroom before Issei is directing him into a stall with the shirt. 

"Make sure you take your bra off before putting it on, too. It might be tricky to pull it on but once you get it over your chest just kinda… Shove your hand up the bottom and like… Flatten them to the side." 

"Uhh… Okay?" Hajime locks the stall and stares at the top for a few seconds before taking a deep breath. He feels incredibly paranoid about taking his clothes off at school but continues. He's too curious to stop now, anyways. 

Issei was right about it being tricky. His arms get stuck a few times and for a moment he doesn't think he'll be able to get it over his chest, but once he gets his hand under it to move them around it feels better. Looking down at his torso after it's on is, again, confusing yet thrilling. He runs his hands down his now flat chest and takes another deep breath. 

_"Like a boy,"_ he thinks, then grins so wide his eyes almost close.

"How does it feel?" Issei asks and suddenly the moment ends and Hajime panics. He almost takes it off right away but puts his shirt on over it, shoving his bra into his bag, and leaves the stall. Issei whistles long and low as he looks him over. "Can you breathe?" 

Hajime nods and takes a few more deep breaths to show him. "It's… Really nice?" He walks over to the mirrors and looks at his chest from the side, running his hand over it again. "Is this okay?" He can't look away from his flat chest but he can see Issei stand next to him out of the corner of his eyes.

"Of course. If you like it, you can keep it. Even if you decide you're still a girl. I know it's hard to figure out at first, but after a while it's-" 

"I'm not." Hajime says seriously, mostly to himself. He has to bite his lip to stop himself from grinning again. "I'm not a girl. I didn't… I didn't know it was a choice but I… Holy _shit_." 

Issei laughs loudly. "Right!? When I first found out I could be a boy I cried for _days!"_

"I thought I was broke or… Or something?" Issei stops laughing at Hajime's tone. It sounds like _he_ might cry, too, but in a sad way. "I thought maybe I was being dumb. My mom says it's normal for girls to hate their bodies and I just needed to work on my confidence but I couldn't- I couldn't figure out _what_ I hated. It was just _wrong_ ." Hajime let's out a sob as he holds his hands still, pressing gently against his chest just to _feel_ how smooth it is. 

"That's normal, you know?" Issei says softly. "To feel like that? Some people think how we feel is gross but... you're definitely not _broken_." 

"Thank you." Hajime whispers before looking up at Issei. There's still tears in his eyes but the smile he gives him is genuine. "I'm still confused, I think. This is really weird." 

"That's fair. It certainly is a mental process. For me personally it was better to not think about it for a while and just do whatever felt right. Like wearing a binder even if I wasn't sure if I _really_ wanted to be a boy. It doesn't hurt to just test it, y'know. Better to try and be wrong than pretend it's not a thing and continue feeling like you did before."

"Yeah… Can I keep this for today?" 

"You can keep it for good, dude. It doesn't fit me so I can't actually wear it." 

Hajime grins again and looks back at his reflection. "I hope I look hotter than Tooru as a boy. His ego would shrivel up and die so fast." 

"Okay first of all, don't think I'm gonna keep you calling Tooru hot a secret. Second, you're a boy right _now_ if you feel like it."

" _First of all,"_ Hajime grunts and finally removes a hand so he can punch Issei in the shoulder, "I would never hear the end of it so don't you dare tell him."

Issei laughs and holds his hands up in surrender. "And second of all?" 

"Second of all, I'm a boy." Hajime says to his own reflection, and it feels right. 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to comment a character you'd like me to write next! <3333   
> Also don't have to be binary trans!!! Im agender so I love seeing NB headcanons and would love to hear about yours if you got any! 
> 
> Personally I think Noya and Hinata are most likely to be NB since they got NOTHING in their head except volleyball (and cute girls for Noya) so they sure as heck wouldn't know a single thing about gender. 
> 
> Also I LOVE Trans Boy Oikawa so much please go check out my other fic thats about Oikawa that was gonna be a one shot but am now making chapters out of spite.


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